Coping with Grief

Coping with Grief

2015 has not been an easy year, I have headed this post as “Coping with Grief” but I’m going to be brutally honest and state that there is no hard and fast way to cope with loosing the people you love.

Grief is unique to you, how you drag yourself out of bed, focus on the gifts life has bestowed you and love your existing living family is all up to you, and your mindset.

My mind all year has had to think through a thick, fuzzy fog inside my head. Emotionally, I shut down from my family, friends and anyone else I figured I was unable to cope with.

In the end, I decided to have two counselling sessions to reboot my mindset and put everything into perspective. This was a very difficult decision for me to accept help, I felt ashamed and that I was a complete failure.

November came around and the fog lifted, I have started to feel more like myself and although not totally “me” again, I see the light ahead and I’m walking towards it.

 

What helped me to regain focus

Admitting that I wasn’t coping

Making the decision to get help and following through

Planning my day the night before

Writing down my ultimate goal, then breaking that goal into mini goals

Rewarding myself when I achieved mini goals

De-Cluttering and tidying up my home

Finalising unfinished projects

Writing down my 2016 goals with time frames to achieve them

Admitting that I wasn’t coping

I would find a corner in my bedroom when no one was home and weep, body shaking, headache splitting loud weeping that I was deeply ashamed of doing. Eating chocolate instead of food, craving sleep instead of working, staring at a flickering computer screen but not typing a word, walking through the shops for groceries and feeling like a zombie. I resented the kids coming over to me for cuddles, so I would lock myself in the office. I didn’t have any motivation to do the house work, talk, listen to my beautiful children’s chatter or socialise. I just wanted to be by myself.

 

Making the decision to get help and following through

A gorgeous Facebook friend called Kerry Deller reached out to me and asked me if I needed help. At first, I fobbed her off. But as I could feel my warm hole of solitude getting darker, I made the decision to go and see her, and I cannot thank her enough for her insight, compassion and professionalism.

While two sessions were not nearly enough, they helped me to see why my in-laws death affected me to the extent it had. I acknowledged a number of areas where I was in denial, and I knew that with a little time I could pick up the emotional pieces and move forward.

 

Planning my day the night before

To keep me on track and help with my mindset I would use Evernote to create “to do” lists the night before. I would also set reminders in Evernote to pop up automatically through the following day.

This ensured I for filled my client’s needs. Otherwise, I knew I would have forgotten all of my family’s, clients and business obligations. I also found that by packing my bag the night before, setting Evernote folders and task lists with tick boxes helped me to keep progressing through the day.

 

Writing down my ultimate goal – Then breaking it into mini goals

I could not cope with the reality of no longer being the energised, motivated individual I always knew. So, I made personal mini goals to get out of my introverted behavior.

For example

Ultimate goal to go to network meetings again was way out of my comfort zone at this point in time.

So I broke this ultimate goal into mini small goals to work up to attending network meetings in 2016.

Go to a cafe to work for the morning

Meet up with a friend / mentor in Brisbane

Personally go round and talk with some of my virtual clients

Arrange to meet a LinkedIn contact for a coffee

Attend a Bookkeeper Information session

 

Reward myself when I achieve the mini goals

I love to read and listen to music. As a achieve my week’s mini goals I would buy a book, joined apple music, download a movie, or get a massage.

 

De-Cluttering and tidying up the home

There is something about removing clutter and negativity to welcome in the positive energy. Spring cleaning rooms of my home, going through linen cupboards and holding a garage sale all helped. It’s out with the negative energy and releasing the positive for a new year to come!

 

Finishing half completed projects

This website has sat for three years, unfinished and is now close to completion.

Other business websites need updating or rebuilding, not to mention our own home renovation and creating checklists, templates and media for my work.

I also committed my time to finishing a business plan which I have already started on, and will complete with action steps by the new year.

Yes, it’s time to rid myself of the weight of unfinished projects to open the door to new opportunities and success!

 

Writing down my 2016 Goals

I have already pledged myself on calendar for a number of goals / mini goals. Which have been already scheduled in my google calendar for 2016. I have been specific, allocated time and marked my deadlines on the calendar through out 2016. I have focus and direction for 2016. I am assured that as the year moves on from January to December I will make real progress that will benefit my family, friends and businesses.

How have you coped, lived with or existed in a time of grief?

Please share xx